SSE Parody Chapter 24

CHAPTER 24: YOUR WHAT IS WHAT?!

Samus, Pikachu: *Are running down a hallway*

Alarms, Sirens: *Are blaring*

Samus: Pikachu you idiot, I told you not to press that button!

Pikachu: But it said "Press for free Poffins!"

Samus: *Rolls eyes* Too late for that; let's get going!

Multiple ROBs: *Appear*

Pikachu: Looks at all the ROBs. They must be the security guards or something.

Samus: Well? Let's turn them to scrap metal!

Pikachu: PIKA! *Thunders the ROBs*

ROBs: *Are short-circuted*

Pikachu: Yeah! I'm the master of this! Elecricity is perfect for this job!

Samus: (Master of the ****ing obvious, that's what you are.)

Pikachu: Samus? SAMUS!

Samus: I'm right here.

Pikachu: Heh, sorry...I couldn't see you; you blended in perfectly with all the metal and chrome.

Samus: ...My suit is orange. The walls aren't.

Pikachu: ...Oh.

Samus: What, are you colorblind or something?

Pikachu: ...Yes.

Samus: *Is surprised* Well, that certainly explains why you couldn't tell whether or not that switch from before was active.

===
Later
===

Pikachu: Well, this is the last room. Let's go in!

Samus, Pikachu: *Burst in* !

Hundreds of ROBs: *Are lined up next to the bombs*

Ancient Minister: *Is in the middle of them*

Samus: YOU! You're the one who knocked me out and took my suit!

Pikachu: How did he knock you out?

Samus: ...

Pikachu: I thought you knew not to accept drinks from strangers?

Samus: ...Then he hit me over the head with my own arm cannon.

Pikachu: *Snickers*

Samus: SHUT UP! *Aims at Ancient Minister* You die now!

Pikachu: *Charges electricity*

Ancient Minister: ...

Samus: Huh? Why isn't he fighting back?

Ancient Minister: ...Do what you want. I don't care anymore.

Samus, Pikachu: *Look at each other in confusion*

===
Meanwhile
===

Diddy: And then Slippy showed me how to pilot the Great Fox!

DK: That sounds awesome!

Diddy: ...But then Fox told me to get out of the engine room or he's skin me alive...

Captain Falcon: Wait. *Stops and smells the air* My manly man senses tell me that there's a woman around here!

Olimar: *Facepalm* Oh God, not this again...

Flazian: Ugh, it's this again...

Captain Falcon: No woman can escape the allure of Captain Falcon! One look at my golden nipples of manliness and she'll be swept off he feet! Just the thought of my masculinity would make any woman--

Everyone else: ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! WE GET IT!

Captain Falcon: Fine. *Continues his monologue in his mind*

DK: Great, the door's locked!

Diddy: Gotta find a switch...Here we go! *Flips switch*

Spiky ceiling: *Descends*

Everyone: OH ****! FLEE! *Flees*

Olimar: Wait, where's Flazian?

Flazian: *Pops out of Olimar's pocket*

Olimar: Phew!

Diddy: Well, let's get the other switches.

Olimar, Captain Falcon: *Go and break the other two switches*

Door: *Unlocks*

Everyone: *Heads inside*

===
Later
===

DK: *Is pounding on the door* Open, dammit!

Flazian: DK, you've been doing this for the past fifteen minutes.

DK: So? It's bound to work eventually.

Olimar: -_- *Turns doorknob*

Door: *Opens*

DK: Oooooooooooohhhhh...

Diddy: *Facepalm*

Samus, Pikachu: !

Captain Falcon: So, where's the lady?

Samus: *Is ticked* Right here, dumb****! *Removes helmet*

Captain Falcon: Hey babe!

Samus: *Smashes her arm cannon against Captain Falcon's head*

Captain Falcon: Ow! That hurt!

Samus: God! Is sex the only thing you think about?!

Captain Falcon: Yes.

Samus: *Facearmcannon*

Pikachu: We have bigger problems here; look!

Captain Falcon: *Notices the ROBs and the bombs* ...Oh.

Everyone else: (Stupid pervert.)

Holographic Ganondorf: *Appears* Is it on? Is it on?

Everyone: ! You!

Holographic Ganondorf: Robot minons! Blow them to smithereens!

ROBs: *Move towards the bombs*

Ancient Minister: ! *Positions himself between the ROBs and the bombs* No! Wait!

ROBs: *Stop and look at each other in confusion*

Holographic Ganondorf: Tch! *Waves his hand*

ROBs' eyes: *Ominously glow red*

Everyone but Pikachu: *Gasps*

Pikachu: What's going on?

Samus: I think Ganondorf is directly controlling the robots!

Pikachu: Oh crap.

ROBs: *Attach themselves to the bombs*

Ancient Minister: NOOOOO!!! *Knocks some of the ROBs away*

Holographic Ganondorf: Oh no you don't. Robots, destroy!

ROBs: *Fire their lasers at the Ancient Minister*

Ancient Minster: No! Please! Ow! Ow! Please!!!!!! *Catches on fire*

ROBs: *Continue firing*

Ancient Minister: *Glumly accepts his fate*

Holographic Ganondorf: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!

Everyone: You monster!

DK: *Tries ripping the head off one of the robots*

Captain Falcon: Hey baby, look what I can do! *Tosses a ROB over his head*

Samus: *"Accidentally" fires her laser at Captain Falcon*

Holographic Ganondorf: And...

Multiple enemies: *Are summoned*

Everyone: Oh ****.

Holographic Ganondorf: Ta! *Vanishes*

Lasers: *Are fired at the enemies*

Ancient Minister's Cloak: *Crumbles*

Underneath: *Is a ROB*

R.O.B: I am so sorry. Allow me to repay my debt. I will fight with you.

Olimar: We can do this!

===
After the grisly battle
===

The monsters: *Are defeated*

Everyone: *Gets back to work trying to unhook the ROBs*

DK: *Appears to be humping a ROB*

Everyone: O_O

DK: ...It's not what it looks like!

Diddy: DK, did you take your pills?

DK: ...No.

Diddy: *Facepalm*

Some ROBs: *Turn back to normal, but it's too late* ...Forgive us.

Diddy: R.O.B., isn't there anything you can do?

R.O.B.: Yes. RUN!

Captain Falcon: Wait. Oh. My. God. I HAVE AN IDEA! I ACTUALLY HAVE AN IDEA! FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I WAS TWELVE, OXYGEN IS FLOWING SOMEWHERE OTHER THAN MY GROIN!!!

Everyone: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!

Captain Falcon: *Presses a few buttons on his wrist-gadget thingy* Let's go! My ride is waiting!

Everyone: *Sprints to where Captain Falcon is pointing*

===
In a very short time
===

Captain Falcon: Come on!

Falcon Flyer: *Appears*

Everyone: *Gets in*

Captain Falcon: We should be far away when the explosion happens!

Samus: Is there a bathroom around here?

Captian Falcon: Yes, my lovely. And a bedroom! In case you need to...Rest up.

Samus: *Smacks Captain Falcon* I hate perverts.

Captain Falcon: *Rubs his face* I love a babe that's hard to get.

Samus: *Ignores Captain Falcon and walks towards the window* O_O PFFFFTTT!!

Meta-Ridley Surprise, *****es! *Slips through the gap* WHO'S TOO BIG NOW, NINTENDO?

Samus: I'll take you down! Again!

Pikachu: Might I remind you that we have less than two minutes?

Samus: Who wants to help me?

Captain Falcon: I'll help, my lovely!

Samus: ...Anyone else?

R.O.B.: I will help. I must repay my debt.

Samus, R.O.B.: *Climb on top of the Falcon Flyer*

Samus: R.O.B., you've got to distract Meta-Ridley while I charge up my laser!

R.O.B.: Can do! HEY! BIG HUNK OF SCRAP METAL! OVER HERE!

Meta-Ridley: *Looks at R.O.B.* Oh! Once I melt you down, you'll do great at covering my shoulder blades! *Charges at R.O.B.*

Samus: *Shoots a fully charges laser at Meta-Ridley*

Meta-Ridley: *Is knocked back* Oof! But that won't stop m--*Hits a stalactite*

Meta-Ridley's wings: *Hit the sides of the cavern and break*

Meta-Ridley: *Falls* NOOO!! I AM TOO BIG! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!11!!!ONE!!

Everyone inside: *Cheers*

Samus: Glad that's over. *Climbs inside with R.O.B.*

Island of the Ancients: *Is sucked into Subspace*

Falcon Flyer: *Escapes intact. Well, except for those deep gouges near the tailfin. But those shouldn't be too hard to fix*

R.O.B.: *Sadly stares at the sphere of Subspace* My people...

Captain Falcon: Hey Samus, you like those foot-long subs?

Samus: Are you kidding? I love them!

Captain Falcon: Well... *Smiles suggestively*

Samus: UGH! YOU ARE SICK!

Flazian: ...Dude, how do you walk with it?

Captain Falcon: ...Uh...


END OF CHAPTER 24